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THE WEST WING
"NIGHT FIVE"
WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO

TEASER

FADE IN: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - NIGHT
Camera pans past Charlie at his desk in the background and Stanley sitting
waiting in
the lobby.

	FRIDAY 10:05 PM

Josh pushes in through the double doors.

JOSH
Stanley.

STANLEY
[standing] Josh.

JOSH
Your flight was all right?

STANLEY
It was fine.

JOSH
How are you?

STANLEY
Me?

JOSH
Yeah?

STANLEY
I'm fine.

JOSH
[looking down at Stanley's bags] These are your things?

STANLEY
Yeah.

JOSH
[heading out] I'm going to put them back in my office.

STANLEY
Should I go with you?

JOSH
No. I'll be right back.

Stanley nods to himself and stands waiting. Josh returns a moment later.

JOSH
They'll be all right back there.

STANLEY
Where should we go?

JOSH
You ever seen the White House?

STANLEY
Just the little I saw when we talked last year.

JOSH
Follow me.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Josh leads the way through the double doors.

JOSH
[gesturing as he talks] This is the communications bullpen where Toby Ziegler
and Sam Seaborn
work. The rest of the ommunications and speech-writing work across the alley
in the Old
Executive Office Building.

He turns and leads Stanley into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM.

JOSH
And here comes the actual Sam Seaborn. What's going on?

Sam comes into view.

SAM
Leo's reading it, and we're going to send it out in about ten to fifteen
minutes so Toby's
been banging around.

JOSH
What are you doing?

SAM
Banging around.

JOSH
[nodding toward Stanley] This Dr. Keyworth.

SAM
Sam Seaborn.

They shake hands.

STANLEY
Nice to meet you.

SAM
Did you have a good flight?

STANLEY
Yes.

SAM
Anybody you know on the plane?

STANLEY
No.

SAM
Okay. [to Josh] I'll see you.

Sam exits.

JOSH
[calling after Sam] Yeah. [gesturing, talking to Stanley] Uh... that's Leo's
office. It has
a private entrance into the Oval Office, but we'll go in here.

He leads Stanley away.

STANLEY
[thoughtfully] The driver asked me the same question.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

JOSH
What?

STANLEY
Did I know anybody on the flight.

JOSH
Yeah, he wanted to know if you had talked to anybody on the way here.

Josh stops at the Oval Office door and opens it.

STANLEY
I didn't.

JOSH
[smiling] I know. [beat] This is the Oval Office.

Stanley goes in THE OVAL OFFICE, and Josh follows.

JOSH
That's the Resolute Desk. It was built from the timbers of the H.M.S. Resolute
and given to
Rutherford Hayes by Queen Victoria to thank the U.S. for finding the abandoned
ship. [beat]
We're going to go over to the residence, but I'm going to take you out
through the portico.

He walks on.

STANLEY
[hanging back] Josh?

JOSH
Yeah?

STANLEY
Wouldn't you like to sit someplace and talk?

JOSH
Yeah.

STANLEY
Why the tour?

JOSH
You don't think this is interesting?

STANLEY
I think it's fascinating...

JOSH
If somebody sees us, I'd like for them to see me giving you a tour.

Josh heads for the door. They exit to the PORTICO and Josh shuts the door
behind them.

STANLEY
Who built the White House?

JOSH
It was designed by an Irish architect named James Hoban, who won the job in
an open
competition. It was built largely by slaves. They just found the pay receipts
a few
weeks ago.

STANLEY
The slaves were payed?

JOSH
Their owners. [indicating the residence door] Right through here.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY IN RESIDENCE - CONTINUOUS

JOSH [cont'd]
It wasn't until Buchanan was visited by Edward, Prince of Wales that he
decided it wasn't
enough rooms for guest, but it took another forty years to move all of the
office space out
of the Residence. You're really seeing something, Stanley. Tours don't go
up into the second
floor of the mansion.

STANLEY
Are you sure it's okay?

JOSH
Yeah. [pointing] We're gonna go in here now. This is the President's private
study.

STANLEY
His private study?

JOSH
Yeah.

CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - CONTINUOUS

STANLEY
Okay. [indicating the door] Should we... close the door?

JOSH
No, that's all right.

STANLEY
So, tell me how you've been feeling.

JOSH
Good.

Leo enters through the open door.

LEO
Stanley.

STANLEY
[turning] Hey, Leo. [They briefly shake hands.]

LEO
Getting a tour of the place?

STANLEY
[nodding] Yeah.

LEO
You show him the North Portico?

JOSH
Leo likes to show people the soot stains on the North Portico.

LEO
From when the British torched the place.

STANLEY
They haven't repainted?

LEO
Not that. You know when Dolly Madison heard the cannon fire, she evacuated
the building,
but she already had the table set for a forty-person dinner party. So the
British soldiers
ate, then they set the building on fire.

STANLEY
So... the food didn't go to waste.

LEO
[grinning] That's right. [beat] How was your flight?

STANLEY
It was fine.

LEO
Did you know anyone on the plane?

STANLEY
[after a moment] You... didn't bring me here to talk to Josh, did you?

LEO
No.

STANLEY
Who did you bring me here to talk to?

BARTLET [VO]
Dr. Keyworth.

Stanley turns to see the president standing in the doorway.

BARTLET [cont'd]
Did you know anyone on the plane?

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - NIGHT

STANLEY
No, no sir. I didn't know anyone on the plane.

Bartlet nods.

LEO
[leaving] We'll leave you alone.

Josh files out past Stanley.

BARTLET
[to Leo] The speech is going out?

LEO
In a few minutes.

BARTLET
Okay.

Bartlet closes the door and turns to Stanley.

BARTLET
I'm Jed Bartlet.

STANLEY
Stanley Keyworth.

BARTLET
I guess we knew that?

STANLEY
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
I've been having trouble sleeping.

STANLEY
I'm sorry?

BARTLET
You understand that this is an election here, right? I mean by itself who
cares?
The President's having trouble sleeping, he talks to a doctor, but with the
MS and the
hearings and you're a psychiatrist...

STANLEY
Yeah.

BARTLET
[nodding] Okay.

He walks past Stanley.

STANLEY
I'm not an expert in sleep disorders.

BARTLET
Yeah.

STANLEY
I'm a tramua specialist.

BARTLET
Yeah, we know you. You helped Josh out last year?

STANLEY
Josh was shot.

BARTLET
Me, too.

STANLEY
Is that why you can't sleep?

BARTLET
How would I know?

STANLEY
That's a fair point.

BARTLET
Thank you. [sits]

STANLEY
Well, Mr. President, um... [takes a seat opposite Bartlet] Tell me about
the nature of your
sleeping problem.

BARTLET
I can't sleep.

STANLEY
What happens when you try to sleep?

BARTLET
I stay awake.

STANLEY
How long has it been?

BARTLET
Four nights.

STANLEY
You haven't slept in four nights?

BARTLET
Right.

STANLEY
That must be hard?

BARTLET
Yeah.

STANLEY
Have you tried taking a sleeping pill?

BARTLET
The third night.

STANLEY
It didn't work?

BARTLET
Not 'til the next morning in the middle of a national security briefing.

STANLEY
Oh. That's no good.

BARTLET
[getting up] Stanley, I think you're under-selling yourself when you say
you're not an
expert in sleep disoders. 'Cause you've been right straight on the money so
far.

He goes over to the desk to get a cigarette.

STANLEY
How many of those do you smoke a day?

BARTLET
[lighting up] Not many.

STANLEY
'Cause nicotine will keep you up at night.

BARTLET
Never has before.

STANLEY
It could be now.

BARTLET
[looking down at the cigarette] You think if I put this out, I'm gonna fall
asleep?

STANLEY
[after a beat] No.

BARTLET
Then let's move on.

STANLEY
All right, um... Let's rule out some things. Physical factors.

Bartlet walks over to the TV on the wall and fiddles with it for a moment.

STANLEY [cont'd]
Do you have arthritis?

BARTLET
No.

STANLEY
Heartburn?

BARTLET
No.

STANLEY
Irregular breathing or periodic muscle contractions?

Bartlet walks back over to his desk and starts lifting things to look beneath
them.

BARTLET
No.

STANLEY
All right. Lifestyle factors.

BARTLET
I'm sorry. Before we get to lifestyle factors, I'm just gonna turn this on.

He walks back to the TV with the remote and turns it on. C.J.'s face appears
on the monitor.

BARTLET [cont'd]
It's a closed-circuit thing. I'm at the U.N. on Monday.

REPORTER [VO]
[very faint] And when will Air Force One be leaving?

C.J. [getting louder as volume increases on the screen]
Leaving Andrews at 8:00 for the 9:30 address to the General Assembly.

REPORTER 2 [VO]
When do we see copies?

BARTLET
When we're done writing it.

CUT TO: INT. PRESS ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The same view of C.J. on a different monitor. The camera pans around to show
the press.

C.J.
[looking up] I'm sorry?

REPORTER 2
When do we see copies?

C.J.
Sunday night.

REPORTER 2
Has the State Department reviewed it?

C.J.
I imagine we'll be getting their reviews any minute.

REPORTER 3
Anyone else?

C.J.
Key members of House and Senate Foreign Relations.

REPORTER 3
And we see it Sunday night?

C.J.
You see it Sunday night. That's it everybody. That's a full lid. Have a good
weekend.

REPORTERS
Thank you, C.J..

They start to leave, and C.J. comes down from the podium.

LEONARD WALLACE
[approaching] C.J.?

C.J.
Hey, what are you doing here?

WALLACE
Listen, I'm missing a reporter.

C.J.
Who?

WALLACE
Bill Price.

C.J.
Isn't Billy in the Congo?

WALLACE
[nodding] Yeah.

C.J.
Come back here.

She heads away and Wallace follows. They walk together down the CORRIDOR.

WALLACE
He files story by satellite phone through the New York Bureau at a
predetermined time.
He's missed two deadlines in a row.

C.J.
Does he miss deadlines?

WALLACE
Not one in seven years.

C.J.
What does State say?

WALLACE
It's Friday night, and I'm having trouble finding people.

C.J.
What about the other end?

WALLACE
I've talked to the embassy in Kinshasa. They're getting into it, but this
is the Congo.

C.J.
What do you think has happened?

WALLACE
I think he left the Capitol.

C.J.
Without written permission from the Ministry?

They come to a halt.

WALLACE
How would he know he needed that?

C.J.
By reading State background notes.

WALLACE
Does that sound like Billy?

C.J.
No.

WALLACE
C.J., the first fifteen minutes, they're the most critical in a war zone
abduction.

C.J.
I know.

WALLACE
If we could get him delivered to someone higher up...

C.J.
Well, I'm going to go talk to Leo.

WALLACE
I know Billy's been a pain in the ass to you guys for three years, but Billy
has a wife
and two kids. So, if you could see clear to forgetting about...

C.J.
I don't care that he's been... Look, I'm going to get into this, but if he's
missed two
deadlines, then his fifteen minutes was yesterday.

WALLACE
I know.

C.J.
I'd call his wife.

WALLACE
Yeah.

C.J. walks away and through another set of double doors.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Leo is at his desk reading pages from a folder while Toby paces back and
forth.

LEO
Toby?

TOBY
Yeah?

LEO
The pacing.

TOBY
Yeah.

He stops. After a moment, he sighs heavily.

LEO
Okay, now the standing still is bothering me a little bit.

Toby sits down.

TOBY
[after a moment] This is the fifth time you're reading it. Are there words
in there you
don't understand?

Leo slips his glasses off and gives him a look.

TOBY
Of course there wouldn't be, 'cause you can't rise to a position like yours
without..

Toby sighs, then stands up and starts pacing again.

TOBY
Look, this is exactly what we said we wanted it to be. We said we were tired
of reading
about the President's scattershot foreign policy. We said - you want to
fillet me for this,
fine - we said when we go to the U.N., we were gonna...

LEO
I think it's great.

TOBY
We said we were gonna... Yeah?

LEO
I do. [grinning] You know your wife's going to have something to say about
it, though.

TOBY
My ex-wife.

LEO
Yeah.

TOBY
Why do you call her my wife?

LEO
It bothers you.

TOBY
Everything bothers me.

LEO
Yeah.

TOBY
But you pick that?

LEO
Yeah. [after a moment] Toby, the night of the Iowa Caucus when you got back,
did you and
the President have a... conversation that night?

TOBY
Yeah. I... When he got back, for a minute.

LEO
What did you talk about?

TOBY
Nothing.

LEO
He seemed kind of upset about it.

TOBY
It didn't go well.

LEO
What was it?

TOBY
It was personal.

LEO
It was personal?

TOBY
Yeah.

LEO
Well, that always works well with him.

TOBY
What has he said about the speech?

LEO
[looking at him, surprised] He thinks it's great. He hasn't said anything
to you?

TOBY
We haven't talked in a little while.

LEO
Toby, what the hell went on in there?

TOBY
Don't worry about it.

LEO
Okay. I'm gonna to read this again.

TOBY
Sure, 'cause it's the sixth time.

LEO
Yeah.

Toby leaves, and meets C.J. coming in.

C.J.
Hey.

TOBY
Did you read it?

C.J.
It's great.

TOBY
Thank you.

C.J.
Someone's going to get an ass-kicking from the missus.

TOBY
Listen-

C.J. shuts the door on him.

LEO
It's what we asked for, you know? We're gonna have to get ready for it.

C.J.
Yeah... something else has come up though.

LEO
What?

C.J. sits down opposite him.

C.J.
Leonard Wallace just came to see me. Billy Price is on assignment in the
Congo, and he
missed two deadlines. he hasn't gotten anywhere with State. The embassy in
Kinshasa
confirmed that a Belgian tv crew shooting outside Goma saw an American
captured by MaiMai
rebels.

LEO
Hasn't State had a travel advisory out for, like ten years?

C.J.
Twenty-four.

LEO
What the hell is he doing there?

C.J.
Reporting a story no one is paying attention to.

LEO
Why don't we talked to the Congolese attache?

C.J.
He's on his way.

LEO
Okay.

C.J. gets up and leaves.

CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN - NIGHT

TOBY
[coming in] He liked it.

SAM
[standing reading] Yeah?

TOBY
He liked it alot. Mostly what I wrote. Not so much what you wrote.

He stops in the doorway of his office.

SAM
Yeah? So how long do you think before the old lady comes by to give you a
whooping?

TOBY
Her office called already, didn't they?

SAM
You bet, baby.

Toby sighs.

TOBY
You probably want to rethink calling me "baby," right?

SAM
[chuckling] Yeah.

Toby disappears into his office, and Sam looks up as Ainsley comes in,
very dressed up.

SAM
Whoa, Nellie!

AINSLEY
Hello.

SAM
Hayes, you could make a good dog break his leash.

AINSLEY
I was at a social function.

SAM
Americans for the Preservation of Family Values and White People?

AINSLEY
The Federalist Society.

SAM
A hootenanny.

He heads towards his office and Ainsley follows.

AINSLEY
I was paged. I was told to come in.

SAM
Yes. 32-50 is a consolidated appropriations act that we want to drop in the
U.N. speech
for Monday morning. I need you to review the final legislative language so
we can shop it
around the Hill over the weekend.

Sam looks through files as Ainsley slips off her wrap and drops it.

AINSLEY
What does it call for?

SAM
Uh, I don't know.

AINSLEY
Sam.

He hands her some papers.

SAM
It authorizes payment of nine hundred and twenty-six million in U.N. dues
over three years
for an exchange in the reduction of U.N. bureaucracy as well as peace-keeping
assessments
by the General Assembly.

AINSLEY
And what are we concerned about?

SAM
Well, the language was drafted by Republicans.

AINSLEY
[reading] We're inscrutible.

SAM
I just want you to look for legal land mines.

AINSLEY
Like what?

SAM
I don't know. A ban on German food, or hidden amendment saying how annoying
the French are.

AINSLEY
How about this? We drop out the U.N. entirely and use the 926 million to
take everybody in
the country out to brunch?

SAM
[nodding] Why don't you write that suggestion in the margins?

AINSLEY
[taking the file and leaving] I'll be in my office.

She turns, revealing that the dress has a very low-cut back.

SAM
[admiringly] Whoa. I didn't even see that thing from the back.

Ainsley walks out, passing CELIA WALTON in the bullpen.

CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE OFFICE - NIGHT

STANLEY
Well, that takes care of lifestyle factors. What about... environmental
factors?

Stanley is still seated while the president straightens up from fiddling
with the fire.

BARTLET
[folds his arms] Like what?

STANLEY
Too much light in the room.

BARTLET
Nah.

STANLEY
Extremes in room temperature.

BARTLET
No.

STANLEY
Noise.

BARTLET
Noise?

STANLEY
You know, planes flying overhead, that kind of thing.

BARTLET
Planes aren't allowed to fly over the White House.

STANLEY
You haven't slept in four nights.

BARTLET
Right.

STANLEY
How much sleep do you usually get?

BARTLET
Four or five hours.

STANLEY
Well, we've been through physical factors, lifestyle factors, and environmental
factors.
That leaves us with...

BARTLET
Psychological factors.

STANLEY
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
What were the odds?

STANLEY
Right.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. BAR - NIGHT

CASEY [VO]
So, you got a few minutes?

DONNA [VO]
Just a few minutes, actually.

CASEY [VO]
What's going on?

Camera pans up to reveal Donna seated at the bar with a man, CASEY REED.

DONNA
Well, we're at the U.N. on Monday giving a new foreign policy speech that's
going to stir
some things up, but the thing is, it was a relatively small circle of people
that who
were consulted on the speech and that circle got wider tonight, so it'll be
a weekend of
bartering and Josh is usually one of the point men on that so...

CASEY
You need to get back to the office.

DONNA
I have a few minutes. How have you been?

CASEY
Great.

DONNA
You guys survived?

CASEY
The dot.coms didn't run out of steam.

DONNA
They didn't?

CASEY
Just hype.

DONNA
I see.

CASEY
Do you?

DONNA
No.

CASEY
[chuckling] It's easier to start out now.

DONNA
Why?

CASEY
There's less pressure to be an success overnight. Which brings us to... this.

He pulls out a business card and hands it to her.

DONNA
[reading] "Capitolscoop.com."

CASEY
It'll track legislation, profile people in power, shine a spotlight on
special interest
behind the scenes.

DONNA
Gossip.

CASEY
Not gossip, hard subststance. Public policy. That's why we need all the help
we can get.

DONNA
I doubt I can get Josh involved - it'd be a conflict.

CASEY
No, I don't want Josh. I want you.

DONNA
I'm sorry?

CASEY
I want you.

DONNA
We'll I don't know where I'd find the time for something like... It's Friday
at 11:00.
I'm bascially on a lunch break right now.

CASEY
You don't understand. I'm talking about full time. Issues Director for
"CapitolScoop.com."

DONNA
Well, I... I'm... surprised and I'm flattered, but I'm, you know, not at
all qualified.

CASEY
That's not true. You've been Josh Lyman's traffic cop. That's like an M.A. in
power-brokering.
You know the Hill. You know every corner of the White House. You know every
pressure point
ten miles from the Potomac.

He writes something down and slides it over to her.

DONNA
Is this is your operating budget?

CASEY
It's your starting salary.

Donna looks up at him.

CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN - NIGHT
Sam comes out of his office waving a sheet of paper.

SAM
[calling] Ginger?

CELIA WALTON [VO]
She's not here.

SAM
Is Bonnie here?

CELIA
They went to get something to eat.

SAM
Have we met?

CELIA
No. I'm Celia Walton. [They shake hands.]

SAM
Sam Seaborn. You're one of the people who was sent over for the week?

CELIA
Yeah.

SAM
We appreciated your helping out.

CELIA
I go where I'm told. You mind if I say something to you?

SAM
No.

CELIA
The way to talked to that woman before.

SAM
What woman?

CELIA
I don't know her name. The 'dog on a leash'.

SAM
That was Ainsley Hayes. She's an Assicioate Counsel.

CELIA
Yeah. It was rude, it was inappropriate, and it was offensive.

SAM
What did I do?

CELIA
You demeaned her.

SAM
No, we're friends. It's a completely mature... you know... Also, she started
it.

CELIA
Whatever.

SAM
Well... Okay.

He heads into his office, then turns and comes back out.

SAM
I wasn't demeaning her. I was complimenting her.

CELIA
She's an Associate White House Counsel and you're complimenting her on her
sexuality?

SAM
She looked good in that dress I thought.

CELIA
Okay.

Andy Wyatt comes marching in, and glances into to Toby's office.

ANDY
Where is he?

SAM
Congresswoman?

ANDY
Where is he, Sam?

SAM
Toby?

ANDY
Yes.

SAM
I do not know.

ANDY
Liar.

SAM
You want to talk about the speech?

ANDY
I and members of the House International Relations Committee, yeah. I couldn't
help but
notice that your fingerprints are all over this too. You and Toby want to
be responsible
for starting World War III?

SAM
No.

ANDY
Well, you're gonna.

SAM
I was having a good night until, like, three minutes ago.

ANDY
Where is he?

SAM
I don't know.

ANDY
You said that already.

SAM
But, you've asked me again and I still didn't know.

ANDY
May I wait in his office?

SAM
Better his than mine.

He sighs and turns back to Celia.

SAM
What were we talking about?

CELIA
[looking up from where she sits at her computer] Look, I'm just a temporary
hand here for
a week but I don't think it's a joke or anything.

SAM
And you say Ginger and Bonnie are out getting something to eat?

CELIA
Yeah.

Toby comes into the bullpen.

TOBY
I need these distributed.

He hands a set of files to Celia at her desk.

SAM
Andi's in your office.

TOBY
[quietly annoyed] You let her in my office?

SAM
Yeah.

TOBY
What the hell did you let her in my office for?

SAM
Okay, well, I'm going to step out for a minute and... not be in this area
anymore.

Sam walks off. Toby hesitates outside his office for a long moment, then
open the door and
goes in. Andy is sitting perched on his desk, holding a copy of the speech.

ANDY
I don't get how you could do this without consulting people.

TOBY
Come on in.

ANDY
I don't get how you think you can...

TOBY
[closing the door] We consulted plenty of people. What do you think, Sam
and I create
foreign policy around here?

ANDY
I don't know. You, Sam, Abbott, Costello.

TOBY
We brought in... For three weeks...

ANDY
Did you bring in anybody from State?

TOBY
Yes.

ANDY
Who?

TOBY
The Secretary of State. Since when did you get to come in here?

ANDY
I am the third ranking member on the damn committee.

TOBY
This is a Presidential address, Andrea, not a camel.

ANDY
A what?

TOBY
A camel. A horse built by committee.

Andy flips through the speech.

ANDY
[reading] "Freedom must run deeper than the free flow of capital. Freedom
must mean more
than the free trade of goods and services. The world will be free..."

TOBY
I read it.

ANDY
"The world will be free when we have freedom of speech for every nation..."

Toby sits down on the sofa.

TOBY
In fact I wrote it.

ANDY
"The world will be free when there is freedom to worship for everyone. The
world will be
free..."

TOBY
Andi...

ANDY
"...When we finally shake off the rusted chains of tyranny..."

TOBY
Yes.

ANDY
"...Whether in the guise of facist dictatorships..."

TOBY
You getting nervous?

ANDY
"...Or economic slavery, or ethnic hostility..."

TOBY
A little nervous?

ANDY
"...Or..." Wait for it... "the crushing yoke of Islamic fanaticism." Gentlemen,
start your
engines.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
C.J. walks towards Leo at the desk.

C.J.
Billy's wife is already here. She's in my office right now.

LEO
Is she very upset?

C.J.
She's...

There is a knock on the door and then MARGARET enters.

MARGARET
Leo?

LEO
Send him in.

C.J.
She's with Leonard.

LEO
Come in.

McKENNEN LOBOKO enters and shakes hands with Leo.

LEO
Everybody, this McKennen Loboko the Congolese atache.

LOBOKO
McKonnen.

LEO
I'm sorry. Mr. Loboko, you know our situation. We've got an American reporter
who we
believe was taken by the Maimais.

LOBOKO
He shouldn't have been traveling without proper documentation.

C.J.
The MaiMais care about proper documentation, do they?

LOBOKO
[turning to face her] I beg your pardon?

C.J.
If his paper were in order, he wouldn't have been abducted at gunpoint?

LOBOKO
We haven't been introduced.

C.J.
I'm C.J. Cregg. I'm the White House Press Secretary. That guy sat in my room
for a year,
his wife's sitting in my office, his two kids are sitting at home, and I
want him back.

LOBOKO
You think I have him in my briefcase?

C.J.
This is a shakedown, so tell us how much money, and where does it go.

LOBOKO
The Congolese government doesn't negotiate with murderers.

C.J.
The Congolese government is a myth.

LOBOKO
I can't talk to this woman.

LEO
Mr. Loboko... How much money and wher does it go?

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT
Rain falls and lightning flashes.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - NIGHT
Donna enters in her coat, carrying an umbrella.

JOSH
[looking through files] Where have you been?

DONNA
I told you I was going out.

JOSH
For an hour?

DONNA
Well... yeah.

JOSH
There's an editorial on sugar subsidies in the International
Herald-Tribune. Make sure
Leo's got a copy. Also, make sure you send me home with a Congressional
facebook.

Donna hangs up her umbrella, and shrugs off her coat to hang it up as Josh
walks past.

DONNA
Why?

JOSH
I'm still mixing up Cooper and Hooper.

DONNA
Why?

JOSH
'Cause Cooper sounds a lot like Hooper. What does it matter? Just...

Josh heads into the doorway of his office an starts rifling through papers.

DONNA
I got offered a job tonight.

JOSH
[not turning] What do you mean?

DONNA
You know Casey Reed?

JOSH
No.

DONNA
We went to college together.

JOSH
That's where you were?

DONNA
Yeah.

JOSH
At a job interview?

DONNA
It wasn't a job interview. We were meeting for a drink.

JOSH
What's the job?

Donna goes over to the pigeonholes and starts sorting through post.

DONNA
He has an internet start-up.

JOSH
What kind of site?

DONNA
Commentary. He asked me to be Issues Director.

JOSH
Issues Director?

DONNA
Yeah.

JOSH
For an internet start-up.

Donna walks back towards her desk.

DONNA
Dot.coms aren't dying, just the hype.

JOSH
Really?

DONNA
Yeah.

JOSH
Sounds like the hype's alive and well, too.

DONNA
I suppose.

JOSH
You suppose.

DONNA
Yeah.

JOSH
[coming out of the doorway] You can't be thinking about taking a job that
may not be
around a year from now?

DONNA
This job may not be around a year from now.

JOSH
He offered you money?

DONNA
Yeah.

JOSH
Well, all I can offfer you is a title bump.

DONNA
Like what?

JOSH
Senior Assistance to the Deputy Chief of Staff for Strategic Planning.

DONNA
That's my title now.

JOSH
Then I can't offer you a title bump. The sugar subsidy editorial and the
facebook, okay?
Cooper and Hooper.

Josh walks away, and Donna looks after him for a moment before walking off.

CUT TO: INT. AINSLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Sam enters through the double doors behind her while Ainsley sits at the desk,
consulting
several books. She is now dressed in ordinary office clothes.

SAM
What do you need?

AINSLEY
There's a thing in this we need to be careful of.

SAM
What?

AINSLEY
They say they'll approve a new scale of peacekeeping assessments if there's
a cost-sharing
mechanism, but it isn't fully addressed here. You're gonna want me to rewrite
some of this
language before the president goes to the U.N..

SAM
[thoughtfully] Mm.

AINSLEY
What?

SAM
Let me ask you something. Before, when I said that you were enough to make
a good dog
break his leash, you understand that men, we're the dog, right? I was the dog?

AINSLEY
I understood the metaphor.

SAM
Okay.

AINSLEY
The peacekeeping assessment has to be based on per capita income of each
country, with
category J countries paying the least at a ninety percent discount.

SAM
I meant it to make you feel good.

AINSLEY
It did.

SAM
Although I certainly meant it.

AINSLEY
I appreciate it.

SAM
I didn't mean to demean you.

AINSLEY
I kind of need you to listen along.

SAM
Okay.

AINSLEY
Category A countries will be paying a premium, actually over-paying to cover
the discounts
for category J states.

SAM
Yeah.

AINSLEY
So we need to be more specific about Category A. It's gonna be important.

SAM
I was told that I demeaned you.

AINSLEY
You didn't.

SAM
I was told that I did.

AINSLEY
By whom?

SAM
By someone named Celia.

AINSLEY
She's mistaken.

SAM
You sure?

AINSLEY
If I felt demeaned, I'd be among the very first people to know it.

SAM
Terrific.

AINSLEY
Here are my notes.

SAM
I'll rewrite them now. You'll stick around?

AINSLEY
What else would I do on a Friday night?

SAM
[leaving] I don't like to pry.

CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - NIGHT

ANDY
America doesn't have a monopoly on what's right. And even if we did, I think
you're gonna
have a tough time convincing the Arab world.

TOBY
Well, we'd like to talk to them about it.

ANDY
That ought to do the trick.

TOBY
It's worth a shot.

ANDY
The U.S. Constitution defends religious pluralism. It doesn't reduce all of
Islam to
fanaticism.

TOBY
Neither foes the speech. It calls fanaticism fanaticism.

ANDY
Toby...

TOBY
It's fanaticism whether we call it that or not, so were going to call it
that. We respect
all religions, all cultures.

ANDY
To a point.

TOBY
Yes, to a point. Grotesque oppression isn't okay just because it's been
institutionlised.
If you ask me, I think we should have gotten into the game three, four
decades ago, but
they're coming after us now, so it's time to saddle up.

ANDY
Toby...

TOBY
We do know what's right.

ANDY
This is why they hate us.

TOBY
There's a lot of reasons why they hate us. You know when they're gonna like
us? When we win.

He leans back against the wall.

CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE- NIGHT
Wallace and Bill Price's wife, JANET, stand waiting. C.J. comes in and they
both rush to
meet her.

WALLACE
C.J....

C.J.
Okay...

JANET PRICE
Please tell me what's happening.

C.J.
Janet, we're working some back channels right now. I think if you can make
yourself
comfortable here, we might some news in an hour or so.

JANET
The government's going to give these people some money?

C.J.
No, we can't buy them off directly, but what we do is, we offer to withhold
money from
their enemies.

JANET
And if that doesn't work?

C.J.
Your husband is employed by a billion dollar corporation.

WALLACE
Janet, Mrs. Carlson would pay... whatever.

JANET
Ransom.

WALLACE
Yeah.

C.J.
Let's not get that far right now. Listen, your clothes are wet. Can I get
you some...

JANET
No, no, I'm fine.

C.J.
[turning to leave] Okay. Okay.

JANET
I- I should stay here?

C.J.
Yeah. [leaves]

CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE STUDY - NIGHT

STANLEY
Insomnia's a pretty common symptom of depression. Are you depressed?

Stanley is still seated whilst Bartlet pours himself a drink.

BARTLET
No.

STANLEY
I didn't think so. Some people or predisposed to insomnia in times of acute
stress.
Are you under any stress? Is there any stress in your... job at all,
or...? [beat]
But seriously folks, has there been an unusual amount of stress lately?

BARTLET
Well, Congress was investigating me.

STANLEY
Yeah.

BARTLET
And I was censured. Then I had to give the State of the Union.

STANLEY
Yeah.

BARTLET
I'm running for reelection.

STANLEY
Mh-hmm.

BARTLET
Things are blowing up everywhere, and I have chosen the General Assembly of
the U.N.
to define a tougher foreign policy. Not unusually stressful, no.

He swigs his drink, then sets it down and returns to his seat.

BARTLET
I don't like the word "stress". It's a Madison Avenue word. It's something
that can be
cured with flavored coffee and bath bubbles.

STANLEY
So, you don't feel stress?

BARTLET
I have a job I like, and my family's healthy.

STANLEY
That doesn't mean you're not entitled to feel stress.

BARTLET
Stress is for other people.

STANLEY
What other people?

BARTLET
I'm saying it's not stress. I was feeling stressed five nights ago, too and
I slept fine.

STANLEY
So what happened four nights ago?

BARTLET
I want my money back.

STANLEY
[after a moment] This is a very unusual conversation.

BARTLET
I get that a lot.

STANLEY
I'd imagine.

BARTLET
So, what do you charge?

STANLEY
Three hundred and seventy-five dollars an hour.

BARTLET
For three hundred and seventy-five dollars an hour, you ought to bring your
own damn
lingerie.

STANLEY
I do.

BARTLET
There's a great story about Arthur Miller. "Death of a Salesman" had just
opened on
Broadway the night before, and he was walking around his old neighborhood
in Brooklyn
and he see's a hot dog vendor that he went to high school with, and he says,
"Hey, Jimmy,
it's me, Arthur Miller." And the hot dog vendor says, "Artie, how you
doing? What you
been up to?" And Miller says, "I'm, you know, I'm a playwright." And the
hot dog vendor
says, "Hmm, play writing, I should've gone into that." Three hundred and
seventy-five
dollars an hour.

STANLEY
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
For what?

STANLEY
I don't really know.

Bartlet lays his head back and sighs.

BARTLET
I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I'll be tired and I'll lie there and it doesn't
happen.

STANLEY
What happened four nights ago?

BARTLET
I won the Iowa Caucus.

STANLEY
Anything else?

BARTLET
That's not enough?

STANLEY
Mr. President... If you were any other patient-

BARTLET
Say what you'd say to anyother patient.

STANLEY
I'd say, screw around if you want, but it's your money, it's about to be my
money, and
I sleep fine.

BARTLET
[sitting up] I had a conversation with one of m aides that night after we
got back from
Iowa. He called me on something.

STANLEY
What?

BARTLET
Well, I guess we talked about a lot of things. Who we think the Republican
challenger is
gonna be be, and imcumbency and campaign stategy, strategic overview, but
the long and
short of it is, my father never liked me at all.

There is a long silence.

STANLEY
Well, at least we're closer to my area now.

BARTLET
Yeah, I'd thought you'd enjoy that.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Charlie limps through the double doors.

CHARLIE
[to himself] Ouch.

He heads gingerly into the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE and drops into a seat. Sam
sees him come in.

SAM
Charlie?

CHARLIE
Yeah?

SAM
Are you in pain?

CHARLIE
No.

SAM
Charlie?

CHARLIE
Yes?

SAM
Have you been playing basketball?

CHARLIE
Yes.

SAM
Did you get beat?

CHARLIE
No.

SAM
Charlie?

CHARLIE
Yes.

SAM
Who'd you play?

CHARLIE
Doesn't matter.

Sam comes over and sits on the edge of the desk.

SAM
Ed?

CHARLIE
Nope.

SAM
Larry?

CHARLIE
No.

SAM
Jack?

CHARLIE
No.

SAM
Did you get beat by Manny?

CHARLIE
No.

SAM
Who?

CHARLIE
Deanna.

Sam walks over to the coffee machine as Charlie tries to get more comfortable.

SAM
Your sister?

CHARLIE
Yes.

SAM
Your little sister.

CHARLIE
She plays varsity, Sam.

SAM
Girl's varsity.

CHARLIE
She played a finesse game.

SAM
Man, you can't walk.

He comes back carrying his coffee.

CHARLIE
Yeah. I don't know what's happening to my life.

SAM
Listen, I can tell you're down in the dumps, but let's talk about me.

CHARLIE
Okay.

SAM
If your sister was getting ready for a night out, and I said, "Deanna,
you're enough to
make a good dog break his leash," would you think I was a cad?

CHARLIE
I'd think you were a hick.

AINSLEY
[approaching] Sam...

SAM
Hang on. Because of the sentiment or the expression?

CHARLIE
It's my sister?

SAM
Yeah.

CHARLIE
I'd beat you up.

SAM
You and how many Girl Scouts?

CHARLIE
If I could stand up...

AINSLEY
Sam...

SAM
But if it wasn't your sister?

CHARLIE
Then you're fine.

SAM
[to Ainsley] He says I'm fine.

AINSLEY
You're not, 'cause this isn't quite right.

SAM
Still?

AINSLEY
It needs to be clear that the total assessment is down to 25 percent from
27 percent for
Category A.

SAM
We've been in this fight.

Celia enters the bullpen.

AINSLEY
But if we pay before...

SAM
Hang on. Here she is. Celia, I asked Ainsley and she said she didn't mind
at all.
Plus, Charlie said he's fine with it.

CELIA
Charlie's a man.

CHARLIE
Damn right.

Celia heads for her desk. Bonnie and Ginger both return.

AINSLEY
Sam?

SAM
Yes?

AINSLEY
We need to be clear we are not going to take a bath when other countries
can afford to
take on more.

SAM
Yes.

AINSLEY
This is important.

SAM
Yeah, I also thinks it's important to make clear I am not a sexist.

CHARLIE
And that I'm all man.

AINSLEY
You're Celia?

CELIA
[looking up] Yes.

AINSLEY
He's not a sexist.

She turns back to Sam to continue the argument.

CELIA
If you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

AINSLEY
I'm sorry?

CELIA
I said, I'm surprised you're willing to let you sexuality diminish your power.

AINSLEY
I don't even know what that means.

CELIA
I think you do.

AINSLEY
And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says
something
that offends you, tell them, but all women don't have to think alike.

CELIA
I didn't say they did, and when somebody said something that offended me,
I did say so.

AINSLEY
I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect that
I'm on the
team and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. And you know why? I like sex.

CHARLIE
[surprised] Hello.

AINSLEY
I don't think that whatever sexuality I may have diminishes my power. I
think it enhances it.

CELIA
And what kind of feminism do you call that?

AINSLEY
My kind.

GINGER
[from over her shoulder] It's called Lipstick Feminism. I call it Stiletto
Feminism.

SAM
[intrigued] Stilettos?

AINSLEY
You're not in enough trouble already?

SAM
I suppose I am.

CELIA
Isn't the point that Sam wouldn't have been able to find another way to be
chummy with
a woman who wasn't sexually appealing?

AINSLEY
He would be able to, but that isn't the point. The point is that sexual
revolution tends
to get in the way of actual revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention
away from real
ones: pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harrassment and in this
case, a speech
in front of the U.N. General Assembly. So, you, [to Sam] 25 percent on the
assesments for
Category A. You... [Charlie looks up.] I don't know what your thing is. [turns
to Celia]
And you, stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to
get a cupcake.

SAM
[after a moment] Well, for the moment at least, I'm going to do what she's
telling me to do.

He heads towards his office.

GINGER
We're at O.E.O.B.

SAM
Okay.

Bonnie wanders off somewhere. Charlie sits tapping his fingers for a moment. He
gives
Celia a little wave.

CHARLIE
How you doing?

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Donna pours two cups of coffee. She takes them in to C.J.'s office where
Janet is waiting.

DONNA
There. [places one cup on the table] It's not the best in the world, but
it's hot.

JANET
I'm sorry, I didn't ask you your name before.

DONNA
Donna.

JANET
Really?

DONNA
Yeah.

JANET
Our daughter is Donna.

DONNA
How old is she?

JANET
She's seven months. And her brother Harry is three. Three and a quarter. He'd
want me to
say that. [beat] How does it work with the money, do you know?

DONNA
I don't. I'm an assistant here.

JANET
Bill's written... I know he's written negetive things about the President...

DONNA
[shaking her head] No.

JANET
And he and C.J. don't really...

DONNA
Nobody cares about that tonight.

JANET
Okay.

DONNA
And you want to know a secret about C.J.? But you can't tell your husband
this, really.
She battles with them everyday, but she loves reporters. She's very protective
of them
and it, it doesn't matter whether... you know?

Janet nods, and reaches forward to pick up her coffee cup.

CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - NIGHT

TOBY [VO]
It took...

ANDY [VO]
Wait.

TOBY
It took... Andrea, it took three days to get the language through NSC and
the NSA.

ANDY [VO]
Yes.

TOBY
It isn't coming out of the speech.

ANDY
I didn't think it was.

TOBY
Then why were we here for an hour?

ANDY
Several members have drafted an insert. Will you look at?

TOBY
[after a beat] Sure.

She goes over to her bag and pulls out a sheet of paper.

ANDY
This will follow your paragraph.

He comes over to read it from her.

TOBY
[reading] "Our goal is neither to preach nor proclaim American values. We
have deep
respect for our Islamic brothers and sisters and we have a great deal to
learn from
the values of... tolerence and faith that are deeply held throughout the
Islamic world."
So this is your way of saying any resemblance the previous paragraph may
have had to
foreign policy is purely coincidental?

ANDY
That's right.

TOBY
Guess what?

ANDY
What?

TOBY
Our goal is to proclaim American values.

ANDY
This speech isn't supposed to be about ideology. It's supposed to be about
reality.

TOBY
I think the President will decide what the speech is suppose to be about,
but the
reality is, the United States of America no longer sucks up to reactionaries,
and
our staunch allies will know what we mean.

ANDY
We don't have any staunch allies in the Arab world; just reluctant ones. We've
a
coalition held together with duct tape! A coalition without which we cannot
fight!

TOBY
Nobody's blowing off the coalition, and that coalition will be plenty strong.

ANDY
Oh, when we win?

TOBY
That's right.

ANDY
What's Egypt going to think? Or Pakistan?

TOBY
That freedom and democracy are coming soon to a theatre near them, so get
dressed.

He sits on the edge of his desk.

ANDY
Toby... you guys are on a thing right now. And I'm behind you. You know I'm
behind you;
a lot of House Democrats are...

TOBY
Not enough.

ANDY
And plenty of Republicans. But this one moment in time, you have to get off
your horse
and just... simply put - be nice to the Arab world.

TOBY
Be nice?

ANDY
Yes.

TOBY
Well... How about when we, instead of blowing Iraq back to the seventh
century for
harbouring terrorists and trying to develop nuclear weapons, we just imposed
economic
sanctions and were reviled by the Arab world for not giving them a global
charge card
and a free trade treaty? How about when we pushed Israel to give up land
for peace?

Andy sits down, and puts a hand to her forehead.

TOBY
How about when we sent American soldiers to protect Saudi Arabia, and the
Arab world
told us we were desecrating their holy land? We'll ignore the fact that we
were invited.
How about two weeks ago, in the State of the Union when the President praised
the Islamic
people as faithful and hardworking only to be denounced in the Arab press
as knowing
nothing about Islam? But none of that is the point.

ANDY
What's the point?

TOBY
I don't remember having to explain to Italians that our problem wasn't with
them, but
with Mussolini! Why does the U.S. have to take every Arab country out for
an ice cream
cone? They'll like us when we win!

He stands up and starts pacing.

TOBY
Thousands of madrassahs teaching children nothing, nothing, nothing but the
Koran and to
hate America. Who do we see about that? [beat] Do I want to preach America?
Judeo-Christianity? No. If their religion forbids them from playing the
trumpet, so be it.
But I want those kids to... look at a globe. Be exposed to social sciences,
history.
Some literature. [beat] I'll like us when we win.

ANDY
[after a moment] Okay.

She stands up and collects her things together.

TOBY
Let me take another look at the softer language.

Andy takes it out of her bag and hands it to him, then leaves.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Donna walks along, and C.J. and Wallace meet her.

WALLACE
How's she doing?

DONNA
She was asking how the money works... I didn't know.

C.J.
It's not money, actually, it's a promise to honor international sanctions
against the
export of something called "Col-Tan" by the Rwandan Army.

DONNA
What's Col-Tan?

C.J.
It's a mineral they have a lot of in Congo. When you refine it, it's a
necessary component
of cell phones and pagers, and the Rwandans and Ugandans smuggle it illegally.

Josh approaches the three of them.

JOSH
Listen.

WALLACE
What do you know?

JOSH
Akin Wamba, who's the Maimai rebel commander, sent word through a crew that
was filming
in Goma.

C.J.
[lowering her head] Oh, God.

JOSH
Yeah. He was killed in an ambush. Embassy Kinshasa's going to get the body.

C.J. and Wallace walk into her office as Josh turns and heads back where he
came from.
Donna watches through the doorway as they break the news.

JANET
No, please... No! No. Oh, no. Oh, my... Oh, my God. Oh, God, no...

Donna turns and looks up the corridor to where Josh stands watching her. He
gives her an
unreadable look for a moment, then walks away.

CUT TO: INT. PRESIDENTS PRIVATE STUDY - NIGHT

STANLEY [VO]
It can't be easy being you.

The camera pans around to where Bartlet sits opposite Stanley.

BARTLET
I told you...

STANLEY [VO]
I don't mean the job. I meant, uh, you know, being inside your head.

BARTLET
What's wrong with my head?

STANLEY
I don't know.

BARTLET
Of course not. That would be three hundred and eighty-five dollars an hour.

STANLEY
They keep moving the goalpost on you, don't they? Get A's, good college,
Latin honours.
Get into the London School of Economics. Get a good teaching job. Ivy League
school,
tenure. Now you gotta publish, now you gotta go to Stockholm.

BARTLET
It's not good for a person to keep setting goals?

STANLEY
It probably is, but it's tricky for somebody who's still trying to get his
father to
stop hitting him.

BARTLET
Well, I'm told that most men lead lives of quiet desperation.

STANLEY
Yeah, but that's most men. That's not you. That's the other people, the ones
who feel
stress. You're destined for something else.

BARTLET
I have abilities.

STANLEY
And now you have an opportunity to use them.

BARTLET
I think I have.

STANLEY
That room I passed down the hall, on the left, it's got a name, right?

BARTLET
I think you're talking about the Lincoln Bedroom.

STANLEY
Right. This is a hell of a curve you get graded on now. Lincoln freed the
slaves and won
the Civil War. "Thank you. Next! And what will you be singing for us today,
Mr. Bartlet?"
"Well, we've had six straight quarters of economic growth."

BARTLET
That's not easy.

STANLEY
Okay.

BARTLET
It's not easy.

STANLEY
I believe you.

BARTLET
I think I've made tough choices.

STANLEY
I think Lincoln did what he thought was right, even though it meant losing
half the
country. I think you don't do what you think is right if it means losing
Michigan's
electoral votes.

BARTLET
You don't know anything.

STANLEY
I'll be the first to admit that.

BARTLET
I'm not trying to get my father to like me.

STANLEY
Good. 'Cause it's never, never gonna happen. Look, we're done for the night.

He stands up and gets ready to leave.

BARTLET
What?

STANLEY
[glancing at his watch] We've been here for two hours. It was a double
session. We're
done for the night.

BARTLET
Stanley, I hate to put it this way, but I'm me, and you're you, and we're
done when I
say we're done.

STANLEY
No. [beat] I think you could use some assistance right now, sir. Use me,
don't use me,
but all I can offer you is this: I'll be the only person in the world,
other than your
family, who doesn't care that you're the President. [beat] Our time is up.

He goes to the doors, opens them, and leaves. The agent outside closes them,
leaving
Bartlet alone in the room. After a moment, he stands and walks over to his
desk, where
his cigarettes lie beneath a framed photo of his father. He lifts one out,
looks for a
moment at the painting of Lincoln on the far wall, then turns away and lights
up.
He stands by the window, watching the storm.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John
Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement
is intended.

Episode 3.13 -- "Night Five"
Original Airdate: February 6, 2002, 9:00 PM EST

Transcribed by CK1Tzar and Nomad
July 5, 2002

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