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THE WEST WING
"PROCESS STORIES"
TELEPLAY BY: AARON SORKIN
STORY BY: PAULA YOO & LAUREN SCHMIDT
DIRECTED BY: CHRISTOPHER MISIANO

TEASER

	ELECTION NIGHT 12:15 A.M.

FADE IN: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - NIGHT

JULIE (REPORTER ON TV)
...and we still have-- I want to remind our viewers-- we still have three
House races
undecided as we've been reporting. Those would be Tennessee second, New York
22nd and
the race that's been dubbed Lazarus 47 in some circles, the race for
California's 47th
Congressional District between the six-term incumbent Republican Chuck Webb
and Democrat
Horton Wilde who passed away some three weeks ago, but whose name remains
on the ballot.
George, which is stranger? That a Democrat is competitive in Orange County
or that the
Democrat in question is...? I don't mean to make light of this of course,
but the
candidate passed away.

GEORGE (on TV)
They're both pretty strange Julie, but for a Democrat to win the 47th,
he's going to
have to have something going for him, and this was it.

JULIE (on TV)
Martin, how important were the candidate's performances in the debate?

MARTIN (on TV)
Well, I'll tell you how important. On the day before the debate, the President
held a
three-point lead in most polls and that's within the margin of error--
a statistical tie.
Among those who said they were undecided, 73% said they made up there minds
based on the
debates and 69% of that population went for the President. And that's how...

MARTIN (on TV)
That's how the President won.

JULIE (on TV)
What is Governor Ritchie thinking...?

CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - NIGHT

SAM
He said... what he said was this-- he said, "A probable impossibility is
preferable to an
improbable possibility." The impossible is preferable to the improbable. What
did he mean?
He meant that it's okay to have a broomstick sing and dance, but you shouldn't
turn on the
radio and hear the news report you need to hear.

DONNA
Want some cake?

SAM
No.

DONNA
You sure?

SAM
What kind?

DONNA
Cake.

SAM
They have flavors.

DONNA
I don't know.

SAM
It was a confluence of events that I'm saying, if you pitched it to a
Hollywood movie producer,
they'd tell you that Aristotle says, a probable impossibility is preferable
to an improbable
possibility.

DONNA
It doesn't quite sound like them.

SAM
The Midwest, the RNC exits, a dead candidate, a rainstorm...? It's Aristotle
all over the place.

DONNA
I'm going to turn these off. Why don't you head out into the party? Everyone's
asking for you.

SAM
You really don't know what kind...?

DONNA
It's cake! It's cake.

SAM
I talked to the woman. She had tears in her voice. Her husband loved the
President, admired
his integrity. Yes, we're big on integrity. By the way, when I said I'd run
in his place,
it's not like I meant it.

DONNA
[takes his hand] Let's go to the party. There are televisions
everywhere. You'll know as
soon as they're ready to report something from the 47th.

SAM
You're right.

Sam and Donna walk out of the office into the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.

JULIE (on TV)
And we're ready to report some news from the House race in the California
47th where the
impossible seems to be happening and we send it to Gail Mackee who's standing
in Newport
Beach. Gail?

GAIL (on TV)
Julie, I'm at the Hyatt in Newport Beach with the Horton Wilde campaign and
the place is
going absolutely berserk. Kay Wilde, the widow...

SAM
Bonnie, Ginger, get me Will Bailey. Get me Kay Wilde very quickly, please.

JULIE (on TV)
...of the Democratic challenger just received a phone call from Congressman
Chuck Webb.
He's conceding the election, thanking Mrs. Wilde for a well-fought campaign...

SAM
Get Will Bailey, please. Got to get him.

JULIE (on TV)
...and looking forward, he says he's looking forward to running in a special
election.

JULIE
Gail, is there any word on who the Democrats might run in the special election?

SAM
Get him. Got to get him.

GAIL (on TV)
No, there isn't. Not yet. But I can report a rumor that's been making its
way around...

SAM
Of course you can. Why not?

GAIL (on TV)
...the former Orange County resident and current White House Senior Advisor
Sam Seaborn
will seek the seat.

It goes absolutely quiet in the Bullpen.

BERNIE (on TV)
And the plot thickens.

JULIE (on TV)
Sam Seaborn, of course, an architect of the President's first victory as
well as his--
I think we have to start calling it a landslide-- tonight.

SAM
They're talking about someone else.

JULIE (on TV)
I'm told that we've got a picture we're going to throw up on the screen.

BERNIE (on TV)
Julie, I have to interrupt. I just have to say if this rumor is true...

SAM
Yeah, okay. Anyone know where Toby and Josh and
C.J. are? Hey! Toby! Josh! C.J.! Does
anyone...?

LARRY
They're over in the thing.

Sam runs off to go find Toby, Josh and C.J.

BERNIE (on TV)
...view the California 47th the same way the Democrats view the New York
16th. They see it
as unlosable.

CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

Sam is looking for Josh, C.J., and Toby.

SAM
Hi.

BERNIE (on TV)
I mean the Democrats have not only never won the 47th, they've never even
been a factor.

Sam has now made it to JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.

JULIE (on TV)
So who is this Sam Seaborn? He has been an integral part of the President's
inner circle
since joining the Bartlet campaign after several years at a New York law
firm, Gage,
Whitney, Pace. He's a graduate...

Sam arrives at C.J.'S OFFICE.

C.J.
Josh, Sam Donaldson from the ABC Nightly News program's on the phone. He'd
like to know if
the President is endorsing Sam.

JOSH
Toby, is the President endorsing Sam? Hmm? Is the President endorsing Sam?

TOBY
I don't know. He's asleep, but let's go ask him.

Toby, Josh, and C.J. start to get up.

SAM
All right.

Sam slams the door shut to C.J.'s office before they can exit.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT

SAM
All right, look, this is extremely easy to explain. First of all... okay... How
familiar
are the three of you with Aristotle?

JOSH
You agreed to run?

TOBY
Sam, what the hell...!

SAM
I said it for the widow. She wanted a name for election night and I said,
"Use my name,"
not thinking for a second it was ever going to be a practical option. Can
I ask, is your
office now The House of Rising Sun?

C.J.
Yes.

TOBY
You did it for the widow.

SAM
Yes, and for a guy I met named Will Bailey who was running the campaign and
worked his ass off
and never backed off and, by the way, navigated a dead liberal Democrat to
a win against Chuck
Webb! Five hundred races tonight, that was pretty impressive. Though it was
an Aristotlian
confluence of events that could only happen to me. I have to talk to the widow.

C.J.
I would actually talk to the President first.

SAM
Really?

C.J.
He's going to get it first thing in the morning. There's a seat in play. He's
going to be
asked about it and he can't say, you know, "My God, I have no earthly idea
what you're
talking about."

SAM
Okay. Yeah, all right.

CUT TO: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Love me, my love
And say you're mine
Kiss me and hold me tight

BARTLET
I don't want to intimidate you, but it turns out I'm the first Democrat in
twenty years to
make a clean sweep of the Plains states and I'm not just talking about Iowa
and Nebraska.

ABBEY
Are you trying to turn me on now?

BARTLET
Yeah.

ABBEY
All right.

BARTLET
I won the Dakotas. The Badlands. The Black Hills. But let's go down, way down,
to the Deep
South and the humid bayou of Louisiana and its nine electoral votes. What
manner of man it
must take to win the state, which, by the way, is the only one operating
under the Napoleonic
Code of France and I still don't know what that's all about, but back to me...

ABBEY
Hon, is this like nerd hot talk?

BARTLET
Who's your Commander in Chief?

ABBEY
You are.

BARTLET
Yes. And do the ladies like him? Oh, yes. To the tune of 58%.

There's a knock at the door.

BARTLET
Yeah?

Charlie enters.

CHARLIE
I'm sorry, sir.

BARTLET
I thought we had an understanding with regard to tonight and interruptions,
Charlie.
I thought we were men.

CHARLIE
Yes. I'm sorry, but Sam said...

BARTLET
Sam needs to see me?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
It's like what, 1:00 in the morning?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Well, let's send him in.

SAM
Good evening, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Good to see you.

SAM
I hope I'm not here at a bad time.

BARTLET
No, what would make you say that?

SAM
Actually, it looks as if I couldn't have picked a worse time.

BARTLET
No, no, you could have and I'm not going to take any chances, so let's do
it now.

SAM
Horton Wilde won in the 47th.

BARTLET
I know.

SAM
There's going to be a special election.

BARTLET
Yeah.

SAM
And uh, to make a long story short, you might be asked first thing tomorrow
if you're
endorsing me.

BARTLET
Am I.

SAM
Well, I'm not really running.

BARTLET
Then, I'm behind you 100%.

SAM
Look...

BARTLET
Man, is everything all right?

SAM
Yeah, I made a promise to the widow in a moment of...

Abbey comes out of the bathroom with only a pajama shirt on.

ABBEY
Hello, Mr. President.

SAM
Hey, Mrs. Bartlet.

ABBEY
Oh, my God.

BARTLET
Yeah, look, honey, Sam stopped by.

ABBEY
Hi, Sam.

SAM
Hi.

BARTLET
Eyes front, mister.

SAM
You know, sir, I'll have this taken care of in the next few hours anyway. You
don't even
need to worry about it.

BARTLET
You sure you're okay?

SAM
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Okay.

SAM
This Dean Martin?

BARTLET
Yeah.

SAM
Good.

BARTLET
Thank you.

SAM
Thank you, Mr. President.

Sam exits the President's bedroom into the HALLWAY where Bonnie and Ginger
are waiting.

SAM
Could you keep trying Will Bailey, please?

BONNIE
Yeah.

CUT TO: INT.

	WYATT VICTORY PARTY, 1:15 A.M.

TOM
Congratulations!

TOBY
Hey, you too, Tom.

TOM
And congratulations on the other thing there, Papa.

TOBY
Yeah. Any idea where Mama is?

TOM
Uh, right over there.

ANDY
The great state of Maryland!

ALL
Maryland!

TOBY
Andy! Andy, don't drink that...

ANDY
Mmm! It's ginger ale, crazy boy.

TOBY
Yeah, okay, ginger ale can be bad according to the latest studies. It can
be very...

ANDY
My man got the President reelected tonight.

The crowd cheers and Andy kisses Toby.

TOBY
That was very pleasant. Can I talk to you for a second?

ANDY
Yeah.

TOBY
You won by 85% of the vote.

ANDY
I don't really understand the 15%, but what the hell.

TOBY
Yeah, well, as long as you scraped by with a win. Look, a-a statement.

ANDY
We've already been through this.

TOBY
Roll Call has it. that's why we have to deal with it.

ANDY
I don't.

TOBY
Congresswoman Wyatt, are you pregnant?

ANDY
None of your business.

TOBY
You can't withhold that from your constituents.

ANDY
That reminds me, did you hear the rumor that the President has multiple
sclerosis and
never told anyone?

TOBY
Yeah, did you hear the rumour that there was a Congressional investigation
and it almost
detonated his Presidency?

ANDY
You're worried about me? I just won by 85%.

TOBY
I'm not worried about you.

ANDY
I know. You're worried about a senior counselor fathering kids out of wedlock.

TOBY
Yeah, you know what? Single moms are a lot more sympathetic than deadbeat
dads, so I
wouldn't gallivant.

ANDY
You're not a deadbeat dad.

TOBY
I know that, and you know that, but if I can't protect my kids, their mom,
and the President
all at the same time, then I've got to quit my job, so can you help me out?

ANDY
Yes.

TOBY
You'll make a statement?

ANDY
No, but when they ask me who the father is, I won't tell them that, either.

TOBY
I'm the father!

ANDY
And of course, you're at your leisure to tell them that.

TOBY
Eighty-five percent of what kind of backward population votes for this woman?

ANDY
The good people of Maryland.

She turns around to the crowd and yells.

ANDY
Maryland!

ALL
Maryland!

CUT TO: EXT. PORTICO - NIGHT
Leo and Jordan are dancing.

	There's a somebody I'm longing to see...

LEO
Woman. Yes, indeed, ma'am. 58%. But, let's take a trip down Louisiana way,
huh? Where we
find it's nine electoral votes go to...

JORDAN
Leo?

LEO
Yeah?

JORDAN
If you walk me through every demographic I think the night's not going to
have the kind
of happy ending you're hoping for.

LEO
Got it. Good tip. Keep 'em coming.

JORDAN
Colonel.

LEO
Yes ma'am.

JORDAN
No.

They stop dancing and Leo turns around to se COLONEL WHITCOMB standing in
the doorway.

COLONEL WHITCOMB
Hey.

LEO
How you doing?

WHITCOMB
Pretty good. You got a second?

LEO
Yeah.

They walk inside the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.

WHITCOMB
There's gunfire in Caracas and Merida and Velencia. There's movement in
Acuellar, Coroico,
Ciudad Alto and Parado Negro bases.

LEO
What about GV?

WHITCOMB
They stopped broadcasting.

LEO
Are you ready to brief?

WHITCOMB
15 minutes?

LEO
Yeah.

Leo walks back to the PORTICO where Jordan is waiting.

LEO
Can you hang around for a minute? There's about to be a coup in Venezeula.

JORDAN
Yeah.

LEO
Thanks.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Carol, Ed, Larry and several other staffers are singing a song, while C.J. is
trying to
watch the TV.

STAFFERS
"It's been the ruin of many a poor boy...

C.J.
Shh. Hey, hey, hey, with the singing of the song!

JULIE (ON TV)
Walk us through, if you can, the tea leaves. What were the indicators for you?

CHRIS WHITAKER
High gas prices, and instability in the Gulf region and so, we recommended
to the President
that he make energy a hot topic for the campaign.

JULIE
And obviously a winning strategy. A lot of people say this is a President who,
more than
anyone since Truman maybe, run his own campaign. Is that true?

CHRIS
Yeah. We all give advices, but, uh, this President calls his own shots.

C.J.
Does anyone know who this is?

JOSH
I don't... I think he won the election.

C.J.
It sounds like he did very well.

LARRY
I think that's Chris Whitaker.

JOSH
It is. He's a pollster.

LARRY
He's a pollster that Bruno contracted out of Illinois.

JULIE
...enjoy that Jed Bartlet packs a strong...

C.J.
Excuse me. Don't break things.

C.J. gets up and leaves her office.

CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - NIGHT

ASHLEY
Do you realize, you won all the Plain states but the Dakotas?

BRUNO
Hmm. We won the Dakotas.

ASHLEY
I didn't even realize that.

BRUNO
Yep, we won the Dakotas tonight, the Badlands.

C.J.
Bruno.

BRUNO
Sitting Bull is buried up there. (to C.J.) Hello.

C.J.
Excuse me.

BRUNO
This... uh, this is, uh, Ashley, assistant to Jane Zalaznick at the Women's
Leadership
Coalition.

C.J.
C.J.

ASHLEY
Nice to meet you.

C.J.
You got a second?

BRUNO
Yeah.

C.J. and Bruno walk away.

BRUNO
Carloads of partygoers from the Women's Leadership Coalition and the Women's
Action Network
are unloading at the Northwest Executive Entrance. It is time for watermelon.

C.J.
You know a guy named Chris Whitaker?

BRUNO
Widdle?

C.J.
Whitaker.

BRUNO
Whitkenstein?

C.J.
Are you drunk?

BRUNO
A little bit.

C.J.
Chris Whitaker.

BRUNO
Is a pollster I contracted for Cook County.

C.J.
He was just on TV claiming credit for your energy strategy.

Bruno isn't listening to C.J. because he's looking at Ashley.

BRUNO
Huh?

C.J.
He's claming credit for the energy strategy and who knows what else.

BRUNO
Whitkenstein?

C.J.
Bruno.

BRUNO
What do I care?

C.J.
I think you should talk to some reporters. You are entitled to the status
you've earned.

BRUNO
The only thing I need status for... I'm doing right now.

C.J.
I'm going to be watching this guy.

BRUNO
No, you don't have to watch him...

C.J.
We owe you, Bruno.

BRUNO
No. I got paid. But thanks. I'm going to talk to Ashley now.

C.J.
I'm going to be watching this guy.

BRUNO
I'm going to be talking to Ashley.

C.J.
Okay.

Bruno walks away and C.J. spots Donna.

C.J.
Donna.

DONNA
Yeah.

C.J.
You might want to tell Josh that a few carlaods of women...

Josh comes running through the doors to the exit.

DONNA
Yeah, he knows.

C.J.
Okay.

AMY [OS]
Josh.

JOSH
Hang on. A couple people from the Womens Leadersip Coalition just...

He turns around and sees Amy standing there.

JOSH
Yes, hello.

AMY
Hello.

AMY
It's a target-rich environment and I don't want to cramp your style. I just
wanted to stash
my coat in your office.

JOSH
Sure.

AMY
Come here.

She kisses his cheek.

AMY
Congratulations.

JOSH
Thanks.

AMY
You owe me ten dollars on the Delaware 1st, ten dollars on Iowa 5th.

They walk through the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.

AMY [CONT]
We pushed across the Mountain states and I lost Arkansas and the Georgia
Legislature,
but you went twenty on the Michigan gubernatorial.

JOSH
How you doing on the night?

AMY
Right now, I'm only up ninety, but there's a waste disposal bond issue in
Jasper, Alabama
that's going to put me in a new pair of Manolos if it breaks my way.

JOSH
So the guys at Lexington and Concord, they didn't die in vain.

AMY
Yeah, no way.

JOSH
Want to hear the funniest thing? A week ago, Sam told Horton Wilde's widow
that he'd run
in his place.

AMY
I know.

JOSH
You heard?

AMY
Yeah.

JOSH
All these events conspired to... like the DNC gave up on the race so the
RNC left town,
leaving no one to read the exits...

AMY
Want me to open your door?

JOSH
I can do it. The President won the Midwest and there was depressed Republican
turnout in
the district 'casue it was never a race...

They end up in JOSH'S OFFICE.

AMY
Will Bailey also.

JOSH
I keep hearing that name.

AMY
I've helped him raise money.

JOSH
For a dead candidate, of course you did. Anyway, Sam's desperately trying
to get ahold
of the widow so he can have the worst conversation of his life. He's... just
going to
have to say...

AMY
He should do it; that's actually what I came here to tell you.

JOSH
What do you mean?

AMY
He should run.

JOSH
He'll get killed.

AMY
Yeah, but tomorrow morning, you're going to face a very angry minority who
don't feel the
President did enough to make them the majority.

JOSH
Angry House Democrats. I'm shivering, hold my hand.

AMY
I'm saying...

JOSH
You know what, the President's coattails were long enough to elect a Democrat
out of Orange
County with literally no pulse. Any Congressman complaining...

AMY
Will be smoothed over...

JOSH
Who has to...

AMY
Will be smoothed over if the President sends a top lieutenant still shining
from victory
on a suicide mission to Disney's California Adventure.

JOSH
You're ahead 90 bucks?

AMY
And it's still very early.

JOSH
All right, give me your coat.

Amy takes off her coat and has on a short red dress that leaves Josh
speechless.

JOSH
What?

AMY
I didn't say anything.

JOSH
Okay, your coat will be here.

AMY
I'm going to go collect money.

JOSH
Enjoy.

Amy leaves his office and Josh paces back and forth muttering to himself.

JOSH
Donna!

DONNA
How'd you know I was out there?

JOSH
I felt you lurking. I want to try to find a guy named Will Bailey with the
Wilde campaign
in Newpport Beach.

DONNA
Yeah.

CUT TO: EXT: OUTSIDE A BUILDING - NIGHT

	MARRIOT NEWPORT BEACH

There's a party going on inside the building and Will is walking along
the sidewalk.

MAN
Congratulations. Way to go, Will.

WILL
Thanks. Thanks for your hard work. Don't know who you are.

Elsie comes running out of the building.

ELSIE
Will!

WILL
I'm going to sleep.

ELSIE
Come back to the party.

WILL
I'm going to sleep.

ELSIE
Now?

WILL
Any second.

ELSIE
It's the greatest night of your life, and you're going to sleep?

WILL
Special reward.

ELSIE
It's the shank of the evening and there are all kinds of volunteers that
want to dance
with you and you know what that means.

WILL
Dance? I think I do.

ELSIE
Are you ever going to enjoy yourself?

WILL
I just beat Chuck Webb, that was a pretty good time.

ELSIE
Yes, you did. I'm so proud that you're my brother.

WILL
Me, too. I mean, me too. You know what I mean.

ELSIE
You sure you don't want to come back for a little bit?

WILL
I can't stand up anymore.

ELSIE
Okay. Sleep well.

WILL
Thanks. Don't be wearing that dress all in front of... Ah, never mind.

CUT TO: INT: HOTEL HALLWAY - NIGHT
Will walks down the hallway and enters his room where the telephone is
ringing. He turns
on the light and answers the phone.

WILL
Yeah?

JOSH [VO]
Will, this is Josh Lyman. Congratulations.

WILL
You too, Mr. Lyman. It's a great night for you.

JOSH
I want to talk to you for a minute about Sam.

WILL
Uh, sure. I wonder though, is there any chance could talk first thing in
the morning?
It's been a pretty long few months.

JOSH
I-I understand completely, Will.

WILL
Thanks.

JOSH
Let me just ask you this: What are the President's unfavorables in the 47th?

WILL
I'm sorry?

JOSH
I'm trying to get a sense of what happens when Sam gets tagged with Bartlet
fatigue.

WILL
No, I understand. I just don't have the facts and figures.

JOSH
Sure.

WILL
I can call you in the morning from the office...

JOSH
I just assumed 'cause most operatives can recite that kind of thing, you know,
at the
upper levels.

WILL
The President has a 42/48 favorable/unfavoralbe with a 12-point gender
spread. "Shares
our values," 37/58, "Handling of economy," 41/51.

JOSH
"Strong Leader"?

WILL
37/44.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - NIGHT

JOSH
Thank you.

Josh walks out of his office out into his BULLPEN where Donna is at her desk.

JOSH
Can you find Leo for me?

DONNA
Yeah.

She picks up the phone and dials.

DONNA
It's Donna. I have Josh looking for him. Thanks.

Donna hangs up the phone and spots Jack Reese holding boxes wandering around
searching
for something.

DONNA
You lost?

JACK
Hey, I know you.

DONNA
Yeah.

JACK
You work here?

DONNA
Yeah.

JACK
You didn't tell me that.

DONNA
Let me see your slip. I'm sure you're over in Dr. McNally's wing.

JACK
Navigation was never my strong area in school.

DONNA
You had to study it?

JACK
Yeah, a lot.

DONNA
Where'd you go to school?

JACK
Annapolis, Maryland.

DONNA
Of course, I'm sorry. It's this way. I'll take you.

JACK
Thanks.

They walk into the LOBBY.

DONNA
Why don't you give me a carton?

JACK
No, no. So you guys having a party or something?

DONNA
Uh-huh. Yeah. We won an election.

JACK
I heard. Congratulations.

DONNA
Isn't this a strange time to be moving into your office?

They walk by the HALLWAY.

JACK
I'm the 2 a.m. watch commander in the Situation Room tonight. Why didn't
you tell me you
worked for the White House?

DONNA
I didn't want you to feel awkward about voting for Ritchie.

JACK
I didn't vote for Ritchie.

DONNA
'Cause you traded me, but your intent was to vote for Ritchie.

JACK
Yes.

They now walk in the BASEMENT HALLWAY.

DONNA
And I didn't want you to feel awkward about it.

JACK
I appreciate that.

DONNA
So why the hell were you going to vote for Ritchie?

JACK
My role here isn't political.

DONNA
Is that what they told you to say if somebody asked?

JACK
Well, people usually don't ask.

DONNA
That's true. So why were you going to vote for Ritchie?

JACK
I think this is my door, right here.

DONNA
It is.

JACK
Uh, would you mind?

DONNA
Oh.

She opens the door for Jack as his hands are full. They enter JACK'S OFFICE.

JACK
Okay.

DONNA
It's freezing in here.

JACK
I appreciate your help. Thanks a lot.

DONNA
You bet. So, why were you vo...?

JACK
Pentagon procurement.

DONNA
What about it?

JACK
The President campaign saying he'd roll it back.

DONNA
He wasn't talking about your job, or weapons. He was talking about... $500
screwdrivers.

The telephone rings.

JACK
Excuse me.

He picks up the phone.

JACK
Lieutenant Commander Reese.

DONNA
I'm just asking out of curiosity. I mean you're not in favor of...

JACK
Thank you. (hangs up phone) They're calling me to work early.

DONNA
What's going on?

JACK
I don't know. Sounds like there's about to be a coup d'etat in Venezuela.

DONNA
Well, you should go do that then.

JACK
Yeah.

DONNA
Yeah, be careful.

JACK
Uh, thanks, but I'm just going downstairs.

DONNA
Still.

JACK
Okay.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT

NSA
There's a cable intercept out of Punto Fijo out of Miraflores.

LEO
A request to speack to Ignacio?

NSA
Yeah, and there's a cellular intercept that has Genral Martinez at the
palace calling
General Reyesat the refinery.

LEO
And?

NSA
The request was denied.

LEO
Yeah, that wasn't really a high percentage phone call, was it?

NSA
No.

Jack enters the Situation Room.

WHITCOMB
Leo. this is Lieutenant Commander Jack Reese. He's Nancy McNally's new man
in uniform.

LEO
Welcome, Commander. When did you start?

WHITCOMB
He started about ten seconds ago, Leo. This is his first night.

LEO
All right, let me say first this is not a drill.

JACK
Yes, sir.

LEO
Leo. Major Carson from SOUTHCOM; Adam Hallridge, CIA Venezuela Desk; Troop,
Assistant
Secretary for Latin American Affairs; and some other people. Ignacio's two
top generals--
Martinez and Rojas-- threw their support behind Luna, and Martinez placed
Ignacio and his
Vice-President under arrest.

JACK
Does their control extend beyond Caracas?

WHITCOMB
No. Ignacio's got the PDVSA refinery at Punto Fijo.

LEO
There's 63 Americans in the refinery.

WHITCOMB
Mr. McGarry need you to call the pertinent intelligence data and put together
a two-page
briefing he can give the President. So, how much time do you need?

JACK
Um... three hours?

Everyone in the room begins to laugh.

LEO
20 minutes, son.

CUT TO: INT.

In the Wyatt Victory Party, things are beginning to wind down. Toby is
sitting at a table
when Andy walks up and sits down.

TOBY
"My ex-husband, Toby Ziegler, and I are expecting twins in May. We thank
you for your good
wishes and ask for privacy while we consider... reconciliation." Two sentences.

ANDY
Actually, that's good.

TOBY
Yeah.

ANDY
It is.

TOBY
Harmless.

ANDY
Yes. I'll tell you what. I'll issue that statement and that'll be that.

TOBY
Thank you.

ANDY
Okay. Toby, wake up. Wake up, time to go to school.

TOBY
Oh, what is the problem?

ANDY
You raise your voice to a pregnant woman?

TOBY
I didn't raise my voice.

ANDY
It was in your inflection.

TOBY
Was it?

ANDY
It is not a matter of national security that the public know. I do not waive
my Fourteenth
Amendment rights.

TOBY
Fourteenth Amendment protects you from state action, and not the media, who,
by the way,
have their own Amendment.

ANDY
There are two dozen members of Congress over the age of eighty. They work
on Tuesdays, and
no one tonight is questioning their job performance.

TOBY
First of all, three of those guys are outstanding Congressmen. Second of
all their
constituents knew they were eighty when they voted for them.

ANDY
You think I wouldn't have been elected if the Maryland 5th knew I was pregnant?

TOBY
The people who elected you aren't the ones who are going to throw the picnic.

ANDY
I know.

TOBY
Then what's the problem?

ANDY
I can't stand the ones who are. You know I'm going to get sued. I mean,
you know it.
The Citizens' League for a Rooty-Tooty Freedom Liberty. They'll work out of
a strip mall
in Sarasota, but they'll be curiously well-funded.

TOBY
You're not trying to avoid a fight.

ANDY
Nope.

TOBY
You're looking for one.

ANDY
Yeah.

TOBY
You're sniffing around for a fight.

ANDY
Yes.

TOBY
Not sniffing around for one as much as... trying to create one. Trying to
create trouble
where none existed.

ANDY
Yes.

TOBY
Well, I can admire that.

ANDY
Honey, have you told the Bartlets?

TOBY
No.

ANDY
Why not?

TOBY
I came up with a plan to tell them apart in the initial months.

ANDY
I think I'll probably dress them differently.

TOBY
Oh, Okay. I was going to hang little signs around their necks.

ANDY
Why haven't you told them?

TOBY
I don't know.

CUT TO: INT. LOBBY - NIGHT

ANNETTE
There's a thing, "The biggest lies are told after sex, before..." something.

BRUNO
Well, I think it's helpful if lies come before sex. But, "The biggest lies
come after the
hunt, before marriage, and during elections."

ANNETTE
Mark Twain?

BRUNO
Nice to meet you. Bruno Gianelli.

ANNETTE
You're funny.

BRUNO
Yeah.

ANNETTE
Does winning make you funny?

BRUNO
Losing makes you funny. Winning makes you handsome.

ANNETTE
Well, you must win an awful lot.

C.J.
Bruno?

BRUNO
Excuse me.

He walks over to C.J.

BRUNO
I am, uh... I'm just going to kill you.

C.J.
She seems nice.

BRUNO
That's "The Brunette named Annette."

C.J.
Wouldn't you just give anything if she was from Tibet?

BRUNO
I'm actually fine with her being from Philidelphia, so please state your
business.

C.J.
Whitkenstein.

BRUNO
I don't believe this.

C.J.
It's going to be the start of a press tour.

BRUNO
Don't you want to enjoy the party?

C.J.
I'm going to leak some internal campaign memos.

BRUNO
Listen, I think it's good this guy is talking. He doesn't know anything. The
process
story won't last as long.

C.J.
I don't care. We can...

BRUNO
C.J.

C.J.
I know how to do this. I can end a process story and correct the record at
the same time.

BRUNO
Look at me.

C.J.
What?

BRUNO
We won. It's over.

C.J.
In a poll taken three days after the MS announcement, the President lost to
Ritchie by
nine points. He won by 11. You did it.

BRUNO
It helps when you cook with the right food. But at midnight, my contract
with Bartlet for
America expired. I'm taxpayer now, and I'm telling you, I've got bigger
problems than who
gets credit for a win, and I'd rather the White House not spend time on it.

C.J.
Okay. Hey... if you want to come back to my office, there's an actual still.

BRUNO
I heard. I'll be there.

C.J.
Okay.

BRUNO
Hey, speaking of credit, nice win.

C.J. walks from the lobby into the HALLWAY where she runs into Josh and Amy.

JOSH
Listen, can I talk to you for a minute?

C.J.
Yeah.

JOSH
I've been talking to a few people, and... I-I don't know, I think maybe Sam
should run.

C.J.
I've been thinking about that, too.

JOSH
When the dust settles what's the story going to be?

C.J.
That we didn't take back the House.

JOSH
Yeah, like that was our fault. These people make me crazy. "He-he didn't do
enough down-ticket
campaigning." You have any idea how much gumbo that man ate?

AMY
This is what you do, you bounce off the subject.

A waiter comes walking by with a platter of shrimp.

AMY
Oh, shrimp.

C.J.
I don't think running for Congress is the thing you do to change the story.

JOSH
I know, but there are real reasons. We give Democrats in the 47th something
to get excited
about.

C.J.
You think he should run?

AMY
I do. This shrimp is incredibly good.

JOSH
What are you doing here?

AMY
I'm your wingman.

JOSH
Okay.

Toby enters.

TOBY
Hello.

C.J.
Hey.

AMY
Toby, I'm afraid you didn't have a very good night.

TOBY
I bet against a Puerto Rican for Bronx Borough President. I deserve to lose.

AMY
And you took a hit, ironically on a Wisconsin referendum to legalize
gambling. But you did
win four Omaha steaks on the over-under in the Texas Farm Commissioners race.

JOSH
Does the U.S. Attorney's Office know about you?

AMY
Yeah, they have me on file.

JOSH
Can we talk to you for a minute?

TOBY
Actually, I'm going to, uh, talk to the President and First Lady. Can it wait?

C.J.
You going to tell them?

TOBY
Yeah.

C.J.
Can we come?

TOBY
No. They're still up, right?

C.J.
Yeah.

Toby leaves.

AMY
Jimmy Fitzsimmons won the Boston Mayor's race by 51 points, and believe it
or not, did not
beat the spread.

JOSH
I think he should do it.

CUT TO: INT. JACK'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Jack enters his office and hears a grunting sound.

JACK
Hey.

DONNA
Hi.

JACK
Uh, do you work on the maintenance staff?

DONNA
No, I'm senior assistant to Josh Lyman. He's the Deputy Chief of Staff. I
noticed that the
room was cold before so I loosened up the radiator, but... Then, well,
I guess you can say
I broke it. But it's fine now. It should be fine. Well, I doubt it.

JACK
The building has maintenance, though, doesn't it?

DONNA
They're having fun at the party.

JACK
Oh.

DONNA
So... everyone's safe in Venezuela?

JACK
Yeah.

DONNA
$500 screwdrivers is why you didn't vote for the President?

JACK
I work for the President. That's a lot.

DONNA
It's wasteful spending.

JACK
No, it's not.

DONNA
A $400 ashtray?

Jack picks up a wrench and smashes an ashtray that's on his desk. It breaks
into three
large chunks.

DONNA
What was that?

JACK
A $400 ashtray. It's off the U.S.S. Greenville, a nuclear attack submarine
and a likely
target for a torpedo. When you get hit with one, you've got enough problems
without glass
flying into the eyes of the navigator and the Officer of the Deck. This
one's built to
break into three dull pieces. We lead a slightly different life out there
and it costs a
little more money.

DONNA
I can't believe you broke a $400 ashtray.

JACK
Yeah, I wish I hadn't done that. It's... 'cause you're blonde.

DONNA
How'd it go in the Sit Room?

JACK
Not my finest hour.

DONNA
You want to go to the party?

JACK
I still got the watch.

DONNA
Okay. Can you glue that thing back together?

JACK
No. They'll page me up at the party, right?

DONNA
Yeah.

JACK
Okay.

Jack and Donna leave to go to the party.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

BARTLET
As you can see, we've moved on to the caviar course.

ABBEY
I love caviar.

BARTLET
I know how you do. Stoli Cristall, the most elegant of vodkas.

He hands a glass to Abbey, and they drink.

BARTLET
The caviar itself is a product of my advice at the Convention on International
Trade in
Endangered Species. We passed a much more stringent bill against the poaching
of Caspian
Sea sturgeons.

ABBEY
This is Oklahoma caviar?

BARTLET
California white sturgeon from the Stillman Sea Farm in Elverta. Only the best.

ABBEY
Stop, it's getting hot in here!

BARTLET
Oh, I think you're going to find...

There's a knock at the door.

BARTLET
Excuse me.

Bartlet goes and opens the door.

CHARLIE
Good evening, Mr. President.

BARTLET
How you doing?

CHARLIE
I'm fine, thank you, sir. I'm sorry, but Leo needs to see you.

BARTLET
Okay. Anyone else?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir, then Toby.

BARTLET
Yeah. You're young, Charlie. Don't you want to be having fun right now?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir, but I work for you.

BARTLET
I get that a lot. Leo.

LEO
Good evening, sir.

BARTLET
Yes?

LEO
You look sharp.

BARTLET
Thank you.

LEO
Hey, Abbey?

ABBEY
Hi, Leo.

BARTLET
What happened?

LEO
It sounds like Commando Especial units under Luna broke into the refinery
and took control.

BARTLET
The Americans?

LEO
They're safe. It's over.

BARTLET
Yeah. Well, we kind of knew it was going to be like this.

LEO
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Jordan still here?

LEO
Yeah.

BARTLET
All right, have a good night.

LEO
You know Toby's lurking out here, right?

BARTLET
Yeah. Toby!

LEO
Thank you, Mr. President. [exits]

TOBY
Good evening, sir.

BARTLET
Hi.

TOBY
Good evening, Mrs. Bartlet. That's a lovely housecoat you're wearing.

ABBEY
Thank you.

BARTLET
Listen, I'm kind of in the middle of something. Is this anything that could
possibly wait
until tomorrow?

TOBY
Of course it is, Mr. President. I'm sorry. Really, I stopped by 'cause I
hadn't told you
that Andy's pregnant. It's twins, and of course, I'm the father.

BARTLET
Well, that's great. Well done. See you tomorrow.

TOBY
Yeah.

Bartlet closes the door.

ABBEY
Jed. Toby! Get in here.

Bartlet opens the door and Toby enters.

BARTLET
(to Toby) I was this close.

ABBEY
Andy's pregnant?

TOBY
Yeah, it's, uh, twins. A boy and a, um, uh, a girl.

ABBEY
That is the most wonderful news. I'm going to cry.

BARTLET
You should marry that girl, Toby.

TOBY
I'm doing my best, sir.

ABBEY
How far along is she?

TOBY
End of May. I have a picture.

BARTLET
Wait a second. End of may?

ABBEY
(looking at picture) Oh, boy. This is going to... oh...

BARTLET
Hang on, I'm doing math in my head. Yeah, end of May? Why didn't you tell
us until now?

ABBEY
Jed, he doesn't need a reason.

BARTLET
Yeah, but he's got one.

TOBY
The truth is, I don't, sir. At least not a good one. I was intimidated by
your Catholicism.

BARTLET
Really?

TOBY
Yeah.

BARTLET
It's my Catholicism, Toby. It works for me.

ABBEY
And me.

BARTLET
And her. Did you break any laws?

TOBY
No, sir.

BARTLET
Then a blessing on your house, young man. Mazel tov.

TOBY
Thank you, sir. Thank you, ma'am.

BARTLET
Okay.

TOBY
Is that caviar there?

ABBEY
Not really, no.

BARTLET
Let's go.

CUT TO: INT. LOBBY - NIGHT
C.J. is getting a cup of coffee when she overhears a man talking.

CHRIS WHITAKER [OS]
I told Leo McGarry that. I said education is the silver bullet. That's what
this election
is about. We went in the field, we came up with the middle class tax cut
that made sense,
plus, the 100% tax deductible tuition...

C.J.
Excuse me. Chris Whitaker, right?

WHITAKER
Yeah, yeah.

C.J.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

WHITAKER
Well, thank you.

C.J.
No, please. We're all impressed with how influential you were, particularly
when you consider
that most of us have never met you. But what I'm most grateful for is the
process story,
which takes attention from the debate, and focuses it where it belongs,
which is the contest.
This is the story everyone'll be clamouring for and I like that you're
filling that need.
And to show my gratitude, I'm calling all the major news outlets and letting
them know that
I'll be forwarding all your confidential memos to the President, logs of
all your calls with
him, Secret Service logs of your meetings inside the White House.

WHITAKER
I really pissed you off, huh?

C.J.
Don't disrespect Leo McGarry and Bruno Gianelli.

C.J. walks away into the HALLWAY where she spots Sam.

C.J.
Sam.

SAM
I was just on my way. What do you guys think?

C.J.
We need to talk to you.

They walk into C.J.'S OFFICE.

SAM
Talk to me about what?

C.J.
We think you should run.

SAM
Why? Why would you think something like that?

C.J.
Well, it was Josh's idea.

JOSH
Actually, it was Amy's.

SAM
Why?

AMY
Well, I picked a trifecta with the California 47th, the sheriffs race in
Arizona and the
Tulsa Family Court.

SAM
Well, can I just give you the money and not...

AMY
I also think you'd be a home run choice. You're going to raise a lot of
money. I'm going to
help you and I have a hunch the President, who just won a landslide, will
be making some
visits as well. You'll be the best funded Democrat ever run in 47. You're
not going to win,
so you can't lose.

JOSH
I think you'd energize the state party. We're not going to let you look like
a fool.
We won't allow it.

SAM
(to Toby) What do you think?

TOBY
I don't think you should do it. Energizing the state party's good. A
well-funded airing of
the issues is good. So is mollifying House Democrats, but you have to ask
yourself, is it
worth it? You're going to lose. A Democrat's always loses in the 47th. Can't
just pick up
and try someplace else. They have a name for that.

SAM
I don't know. I don't know. I worked in a State Asembly race in Manhattan
in a district
where Democrats outnumbered Republicans 16 to 1. But everywhere we went,
there'd be one
lone poster of a right-wing nutbar who wanted to to eliminate the income
tax. And he was
holding up signs and canvassing everywhere and bugging the local reporters
until we had to
comment on it. So I introduced myself to his campaign manager, and I said,
"What are you
doing? Your candidate doesn't have a chance and neither do your issues." He
said, "This is
what I believe. And no candidate gets to run in my district without speaking
to my issue."
I came this close to voting for him. So... I don't know about what you
just said.

TOBY
Then I think you should win.

There's a knock on the door. Bonnie enters.

BONNIE
I'm sorry. I finally got Mrs. Wilde on the phone.

SAM
All right.

C.J.
"All right," what?

SAM
All right. And get me Will Bailey on the phone, too. You think he's still up?

C.J.
No problem.

JOSH
Oh, yeah.

SAM
I'm going to take this call.

JOSH
We'll go with you.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Jordan is lying on the couch when Leo walks in, she sits up.

LEO
Boy, you're in the Air Force, the private sector, the Labour Department,
two Presidential
campaigns, and rehab, and you think you've seen it all but it turns out
you haven't.
'Cause Sam Seaborn is going to be the Democratic candidate for Congress in
Orange County.

JORDAN
I know. I think it's terrifc. But I would have thought you'd be unhappy.

LEO
Why?

JORDAN
He's going to get crushed, and I don't think it would reflect well on you boss.

LEO
Well, let me tell you something about process, Dr. Kendall, and I'll do so
while tuning
this radio to WNKW, "The Music Of Your Life..." and begging the sun for one
more moment
of moonlight.

LEO
Speaking of the moon. Luna took power tonight. About three dozen people are
dead, and
Ignacio's under arrest. He'll be dead soon.

JORDAN
Well... Luna's who you wanted.

LEO
The process matters more than the outcome and that's what we wanted. And
therein endeth
the lesson. Will you dance with me?

JORDAN
Yes.

Jordan and Leo dance to the music as we pan out of the room.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright infringement
is intended.

Episode 4.08 -- "Process Stories"
Original Airdate: November 13, 2002, 9:00 PM EST

Transcript by: ck1czar
April 22, 2003

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